Embracing the Holidays After Divorce

By LeAnna Lewis, LPCA

The holiday season for many is a time of joy and laughter. For those who have recently, or maybe not so recently, gone through divorce the holidays can feel lonely and isolating. Unfortunately, those low feelings do not vacation this time of the year, if anything they’re amplified. Here are some tips and tricks that will hopefully make being divorced during this time of the year a little merrier and brighter.

Be prepared and have a plan. 

Try to think about traditions, events, etc. that are significant and could impact you the most. Then develop a plan on how you can make it through those moments. When I went through my divorce, I talked to my family about the specific traditions I had concerns with, and we created new ones. I also gave myself “breaks” during gatherings if I needed a minute.

Know the limits of your social battery and choose which situations are going to be the best setting for you. 

Remember, it’s okay to say no. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with people who ask “nosy” questions. Instead of feeling like you have to answer you can say, “Respectfully I’m choosing not to talk about that right now”. I’m sure we all have that one family member who isn’t the best at reading the room.

Allow the people you care about to be there for you. 

Letting our loved ones in can be hard during this time of the year. We “don’t want to steal their joy” or think, “I’m being a downer”. Your loved ones want to help you and be there for you, it’s okay to let them. Leaning on my family was hard at times, especially with kids in the mix, but letting them in was the time I felt the most connected and at peace during the holidays.

Engage in selfcare strategies. 

Taking care of yourself during the breaks of the hustle and bustle are essential for anyone to make it through the holiday season. Think about what that looks like for you and what ways work best to refill your tank. Whether it’s a long bubble bath, going for a run, baking, journaling, as long as it adds to your peace and gives you a sense of feeling recharged.

Be thankful. 

I know how simple that sounds. But taking the time to look at the glass half full can help in flipping your perspective. Seeing things in a different light can help dull those feelings of sadness and grief and maybe even add in a dash of happy and joy. Keep a list going through the season and continually add to it. However big or small right it down.

I wish I could say making it through the holidays is easy, but I can tell you from experience that it does get easier and less lonely. Wherever you are at in your divorce journey, know you are not alone. Happy Holiday’s to you and yours!

By: LeAnna Lewis

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